Nobody is immune from making a fashion faux pas. In fact, if you think you are, chances are you may be making one right now, or, at the very least, made one in the past few days. Lucky for you, you have someone to look after you!
That’s right, consider this guide your life preserver in the world of fashion. Pay close attention to these 25 clothing items and unfortunate pairings. If you have any of them in your closet, it may be time to do the gentlemanly thing and get rid of them once and for all!
Unless you’re still learning how to tie your shoelaces, there’s no excuse for Velcro shoes. Oh, they’re convenient and easy to slip on for when you’re in a hurry rushing out the door? Take the extra ten seconds to tie a shoe and save your dignity from a crushing blow. Nothing you wear should make a grating noise when you go to take it off.
Nineties nostalgia may have brought the choker back for women looking to relive their youth, but it probably should have stayed in the 90’s. Actually, the trend of the choker dates back to the 18th century and has undergone many transformations since then, even being a means of signifying a woman as a prostitute in the 1800s. Not once were men a part of those trends.
If that’s not enough to stop you, chains worn by men are best covered by the top being worn. Unless you’re a priest, chances are you won’t be wearing anything that covers a choker.
Sure, they’re comfortable, but let’s face it – the soft fuzziness of Ugg boots simply wasn’t made for men. There’s just something off about the look of a dapper gent strutting around in suede brown boots, especially if they’re wearing shorts. You may see acceptance if you wear them in the comfort of your home, but it’s best not to get into the habit. Slippers are okay in that sense. So unless you’re Pharrell Williams, don’t wear them out.
Clip-On Bow Ties
Come on, guys! If you need to wear a bowtie, chances are you’re going somewhere fancy or to an event that requires a little panache. A clip-on is not a suitable replacement for a tied bowtie. It’s not that difficult to learn how to tie a bowtie, especially with Google at your fingertips, and doing so will keep you from coming across as tacky. You were invited somewhere nice, you can put in that tiny bit of extra effort.
Are you judging pieces in a European gallery? Did you just wake up from a twenty-year coma? If neither of these scenarios applies to you, it’s time to get rid of your turtleneck collection. It’s such an old-school style that just doesn’t read well today. Not too mention, turtlenecks never look comfortable to wear, and that can really throw a social situation off if you appear too snug in your clothing. Only a few people could pull this off well enough to look good *Cough James Bond Cough*.
Socks with Sandals
Europeans may disagree on the negative stance on wearing socks with sandals, but it truly is a look that needs to vanish. The whole point of sandals is to be free from the confines of sneakers and wearing socks just negates that entirely. There’s also the fact that it’s just not a good look. For anyone. Somehow, the ensemble became a popular look in 2010 and 2014, but continues to be frowned upon today.
If you’re wearing a Speedo, you’re doing two things:
1. You’re exuding a level of confidence that is more egotistical than attractive.
Showing off way too much of yourself.
2. As people tend to tell women – “Leave something for the imagination!” And that’s something that Speedos just don’t do. There’s just too much bouncing and bulging for a public beach or pool.
We get it, you’re wearing a Ralph Lauren polo. You’re not making any new friends or scoring any points because the logo over your left breast can be read from across the room. The oversized branding is doing you more harm than good and is really just turning you into a walking billboard.
You know what high-water pants look like? It’s as if your tailor hemmed the cuffs a little too high and you didn’t have time to get it fixed. Or maybe all of your nice pants were at the cleaner, which closed 30 minutes ago so you were forced to pick something from your slightly taller brother’s wardrobe. That gap of exposed flesh between the top of your socks and the bottom of the pants isn’t as sexy or stylish as you may think it is.
Jeans or nothing. When it comes to denim adorning the lower half of your body, those are pretty much your options. On top of being a might uncomfortable, jorts just aren’t nice to look at. They reek of somebody who has way too many “dad jokes” to tell. Just because you wear jorts doesn’t mean you’re an annoying person, but it may be the perception people have of you.
A trend from the 80’s that really should be left in the 80’s. They’re trying to make a comeback and have been doing so since 2014, but don’t be fooled. It still is, and always will be, incredibly unrecommended to traipse around in a fanny pack. Your cell phone, your wallet, your keys – all the essentials that most men carry on them – don’t need to be in one storage space fastened nicely at your hip.
Unless you’re on your way to or coming home from the gym, let’s just agree that sweatpants are not intended for public appearances. When they’re worn as active wear, they serve their purpose. As an everyday garb to keep your legs and other regions warm? It comes across as messy and lazy.
Corny Animal Shirts
During the 90’s, the trend of t-shirts with large portraits of animals printed on them became the “in” thing. Now, these outdated tees are relegated to souvenir shops in tourist cities and Native American shops. We get it, you’re a man of nature. You can just donate to PETA quietly and spare us the tacky iron-on photo.
Overly Baggy Clothing
If you’re tripping over your pants with every step or could skydive safely with just your t-shirt, we have news for you: They’re way too big! Clothing should fit comfortably (not too loose, not too tight) and definitely shouldn’t be able to fit a second person. Outside of the safety hazard they pose, like sweat pants, overly baggy clothing is just a very messy, unkempt look.
It takes a very specific body type to make skinny jeans work and you don’t want to find out the hard way whether you have it or not. The tight fit of skinny jeans not only shows off way too much, it creates an unflattering silhouette. Any bump or curve is going to be accentuated by the fit and even your legs are going to look a little shorter and, well, less masculine.
If you’re not perpetually on a tropical vacation sipping mai tais on the beach, a straw hat is something you’ll want to avoid. The super-casual hat comes in a minimal range of shades of just one or two colors, making it really difficult to be unique without overly accessorizing it, and it’s this lack of variety that saps the potential for personality out of it.
The sound alone can be maddening, but that’s an entirely different issue. Instead, let’s focus on the fact that, as a man, your feet probably aren’t what one would call “cute.” Unless you get a pedicure regularly, let’s not assume everyone wants to see your trotters out and about.
There are those that chide men for wearing shorts, but there’s a far more heinous crime being committed – short shorts. This is another article that works perfectly for women but just does not translate well to the male figure. Short shorts need curves to distract from just how short they may be, and men simply do not have the right curves (or the right legs) for them.
If you want to be the King of Tacky, wear jeans that have bling or something embroidered on the backside. If you don’t want people staring at your rear trying to read or understand awkward embroidery, stick to normal jeans.
Deep V-Neck Tees
There’s a reason why women wear low-cut shirts – they want to show off an asset they know men love. It doesn’t quite work the other way, though you may happen across the perfect gal for you that enjoys a peak at your six-pack. Deep V-neck tees don’t show off much besides that you’re a little too proud of yourself.
How Crocs made the crossover into adult footwear is incredibly confusing. It makes sense as a simple slip-on for children. It’s cushioned, easy to take on and off, and don’t get soggy when the need to jump in a puddle arises. These are all things that shouldn’t be an issue with adults, therefore rendering Crocs inappropriate for anyone who graduated from child shoe sizes.
Jeans are perfect attire for most scenarios. They’re clean looking, comfortable, and well-fitting, but once you start tearing holes in them, they lose all appeal. It’s often difficult to tell if torn jeans are being worn as a fashion statement or because you can’t afford to replace your raggedy pair. It can be a huge turnoff when someone has to decipher whether you’re intentionally wearing ripped clothing or if circumstances of life brought you to this point. Now small holes are fine, but when it’s ripped as in literally you entire thigh is visible and you look like you’ve worn the same pair of jeans everyday for 10 years, that’s when you’ve got a problem.
“Dead” Brands / Outlet Store Designer Brands
You may still see them here and there, but there are certain brands that people simply don’t wear anymore. Not that we want to tell you who to wear, they’ve just garnered a social stigma that you don’t’ want to be attached to. This includes brands like Ed Hardy and Affliction and outlets like Armani Exchange.
Few people can get away with wearing a shiny shirt. Crossing guards, construction workers, airport ramp agents – you know, people that need to be seen in low-light situations. You at a nightclub are not one of them. Let your personality do the talking. Don’t let your clothing speak louder than you!
A fad that started to gain steam very recently, rompers are at the bottom of this list to make sure it’s the last thing ingrained on your mind. There is nothing about a romper that should scream “Wear me!” Women can pull it off, but when men wear it, it looks like an adult onesie. Are you getting ready for a night on the town or do you need to be put down for a nap? It’s hard to tell!
What do you think Men Should NOT wear? Let us know in the comments below
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